Bakwas Bath

Product managers are a strange breed. The flock from all sorts with every possible overused cliché for a backstory you can think of. If the ever expanding digital landscape can be likened to an unending ocean then these ‘Product Folks’ are the pirates of these high seas. Like the social rejects that were the ‘scallywags’ of old, this creed of men all flock under a common banner with no nation to call their own; they don't belong in tech, not with design and are shunned by business. They are the homeless and the loveless, always searching for their next big booty; armed with cannons of redundant KPIs and bullshit jargon they sail. But of all the treasures they pursue, the once most prized of all, the one all seek but few ever achieve, the one that really gets their dicks hard in the morning : What makes a product truly Great? So look no further for I have the answer. Well not really, that would be way too presumptuous of me. What I do have is a product I really like and a fairly goo...

I was born into a cold winter night. After struggling for what seemed like an eon the shell of my egg finally cracked and I peered into the world outside. I still remember the first sight I ever saw, my father’s ball sack all shrivelled up by the Antarctic winds as he kept me warm between his legs. Averting my gaze, not wanting to make things too awkward during our first interaction I saw the beautiful night sky lit up in a thousand colours of the cold winter months. I heard my tribe sing the song of my people, praying for the fish to be plenty and the seals that hunted us to be few and far in between. Frankly I didn't care for any of it, I’d much rather go back inside my egg where it was warm and quiet and completely safe from unfortunate scrotal sightings. It was during that very first night that doubt first arose in my mind that maybe I was born a penguin but would much rather not be one; and this thought has haunted me my entire life. I never liked the plain colour pattern o...